Cruel Irony

If I had to sum up the English language in one word I think it would be a toss up between Cruel and Ironic. Maybe i'd petition the use of a second word and say Cruel Irony. It's not enough for English to be the epitomy of Hypocracy, making usage rules for the sake of breaking them - even breaking rules that govern the breaking of rules; and it's not content to torture us with unnatural spellings and pronunciations; no English doesn't have the universal decency to stop at anything less than mockery of the handicapped. I submit to the jurry three examples. Let us begin with the letter "R":

I met a man from Boston the other day. His surname is Dumarri - note the presence of two R's. This is a horrible problem for any Bostonian because they don't use R's. One day some discriminatory Boston official said,

"Cast out the R's! Make them a hiss and a byletter! From henceforth replace the sound made by any R that approaches with that of the letter 'W' or the word 'ah' (which ever sounds better with the surrounding vowels and consonants)." And the dpeople listened and obeyed. Infact they obeyed so well that their style of R-shunning entered the gene pool and became classified as a speech impediment. now this was no crime made by the unjustly isolated R; however, the way in which it retaliated was most cruelly ironic: it placed the banished noise within it's own appelation, punishing the newly impaired and their children and their children's children and so on until the present day.

Mr. Dumarri can neither say nor spell his name aloud and be understood. For example, he may call a restaurant in Utah to make a reservation. The conversation might go like this:

"We'd be glad to hold a place for you sir. May I have your name?"
"Yes, it's Dumahwi"
"I'm sorry, did you say DoomOnMe?"
"No, Dumahwi. Let me spell it to you: D-U-M-A-awe-awe-I. Dumahwi"
"I'm sorry sir. Did you say Dumah'i... D-U-M-A-A-A-I?"
"No no. It's only got one "A" and two ahhws."
"Pardon me, I think there's a problem with the connection. Two whats?"
*Mr. Dumarri sighs* "Aahhwws. AaWwahs! I'm fwom boston and we don't use them... awe as in 'wip' and 'widge.'"
"Excuse me, did you say 'W' as in 'whip' and 'wig?'"

We leave Mr. Dumarri now as he plants his face in the palm of his hand and examine an ugly word: "lisp." Again eglish mocks the verbailly impaired. The test to check for a lisp is to have the candidate say "lisp." If a person can't say it then he's got it, so send him to get some professional help with it. English rubs salt in his wounds as he goes home to tell his wife that he needs to start seeing a "Thpeech Therapitht."

Finally, we close our case with the fear of long words. A fellow with this problem can get along with english decently on any given day - depending on who he's talking to. However, should he ever hear the name of what he suffers it could take him the rest of his life to recover from the jolt he gets from his "hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia!"

मिलाग्रो - AKA Milagros AKA Milagros

Post 25

मिलाग्रो is a Hindi word for "Milagros" which is an English word for the Spanish word Milagros literally meaning "miracle" or "surprise." According to Wikipedia (yes I know, "never cite Wikipedia as a source"... but I'm lazy and not in the mood for extra research - if you're really that interested in source correctness go follow the references Wikipedia lists) Milagros are offerings made of various materials carved into one of many shapes and sizes and offered at alters to help focus a prayer toward the reason for the prayer - healing of a body part, romance, travel, whatever you feel like, and is carved in a way that represents the focus... a leg for a broken leg or traveling or a heart for romance or... um... heart disease? मिलाग्रो is displayed here in the mangal typeface of Microsoft Word, and is how it was displayed to me when I looked up Milagros using some translative device from Google that also mentioned that Milagros appeared in other languages and listed samples... such as मिलाग्रो. I learned that mangal was the typeface when I was curious as to whether I could copy मिलाग्रो into my text editor. मिलाग्रो looks nice, and that's probably why I'm posting. Wikipedia lists the following in response to a search for mangal (I was looking because I figured Mangal was a language and I wanted to know who it belongs to):

Mangal may refer to:
Mangal, a Turkish way of
barbecuing
Mangrove swamp, woody
trees or shrubs that grow in coastal habitats
Mangal
(Мангал), a Bulgarian word meaning gypsy (but with a racist connotation)
Mangal Pandey, a sepoy (soldier) in the
34th Regiment of the Bengal Native Infantry of the British East India Company
In an Indian context, mangal (मंगल) means "good auspicious"; it also refers
to a Mangal
Font for the devanāgarī script used for Indian languages [note that
mangle (मंगल) is typed in the Mangle typeface =D]
Mangal
is a typeface in Windows XP
Mangal, a Pashtun
tribe
Mangal,
an Afghan singer
Gulab Mangal, an Afghan
politician
Mangal,
Afghanistan

In short, mangal must mean anything and everything. Use it as a place holder the next time you can't think of the word you're looking for: "I was looking at that famous painting by... uh... Mangal...." or "I need an um... a mangle... " or "Oh... I left your priceless diamond ring over at... whatchaMangle's house" or "You are soooo.... *logical gap*... mangle..."

Oh... I ought to tell you where this whole research project came from: Some Mexican guys where my sister works started referring to her as Milagros or if not that, something else that sounded like it.

Now that I've figured all this out I'm turning in. By the way, if you are looking for some cool symbol to represent your name you can either do what Schmetterling and I did and super impose the letters of your name over each other, or you can be lazy and just type your name into word using the Mangle type face.

*a few moments later*

Doh! no you can't. I just tried to type Schlange in mangal and it came out in the English alphabet. Sad. Oh well. G'night.

-Schlange